Brain Tingles!

Tap into the hidden power of free associative experimental language.

Oh, hi! I almost didn’t see you there…

In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m new here. But don’t let that scare you. I’m a perfectly reasonable guy. Unless my saying that makes you less inclined to believe me, of course. In which case scratch that. Alternately, I can be imperfectly reasonable or perfectly unreasonable if either is preferred.

Welcome to Mental Flexicon! A veritable smorgasbord of locutionary delights. And I know what you’re probably thinking. You’re probably thinking, what’s that?

Well, I’ll tell you if you just give me a flippin’ minute…

It’s “mental” because, I mean, c’mon, we’re using our brains here people, but also because what I’m attempting is borderline compulsive. And it’s “flexicon” because, in my own very special way, I’m building a lexicon. An archive of creative locutions. All while flexing my vocabulary muscles, improving my micro-literary flexibility, and indulging in a little good ol’ fashioned showing off…

Or a flex as the kids say.

But I can see you’ve still got that bamboozled look on your face, so I’m going to put it to you straight. Mental Flexicon is a humorous newsletter (and podcast) about word association and wordplay. In each edition, you lucky readers will receive a random selection of invented terms from my daily practice of word association.

This is a creative practice. So if you think all I plan to do is platter overly familiar stock collocations, then how dare you. I would never be so unsophisticated and uncouth. Rather, I strive to provide a more novel experience.

Forget tired old combinations like birthday cake, pellet gun, and Sunday school. Here at Mental Flexicon you’re more likely to be served a slice of catharsis-day cake, fire a smell-it-gun up your nose, and reel in the midst of another personal Sunday crisis.

And who’s to say you won’t be loving every minute of it?

I certainly think you will.

But enough jib-jab. Let’s get straight to biz. But first an obligatory disclaimer:

The following word associations are known, in some cases and in some people, to cause brain tingles. Please cease operating any motor vehicles or machinery before reading further. Here at Mental Flexicon, we believe in your safety only slightly less than our own…

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Today’s locutions

unlearning place

strained collision

parahuman

weaponized seduction

immolated pride

laughable seriousness

chaste bayonet

horrific continuity

petri dish person

frank dishonesty

collapsing soul

poison sweet

orange mistake

Bewilderworld

contradictionary

jealousy machine

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Hey! Did you feel that?

Those were the brain tingles I tried to warn you about, and that I absolve myself of any and all liability for. I promise you haven’t been drugged. At least not by me.

Scientists have yet to determine exactly why certain unexpected word combinations make our heads percolate like fizzy Italian soda, but they all have to admit (some begrudgingly) that the results are fascinating… and so much fun! Feels like lifting the hood of your skull and getting your brain tickled by a troop of finger monkeys.

And who doesn’t want that?

But why stop there? Now that we’ve loaded our locutionary guns, let’s see what happens when we fire them indiscriminately into a crowd of unsuspecting vignettes.

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Today’s vignettes

1. Huddled against the sooty bunker wall, Budd rocked nervously back and forth, thumbing the lug of his chaste bayonet.

2. Marlene responded with a measured blend of frank dishonesty and laughable seriousness that was at once disarming, alarming, and poison sweet.

3. Paulette, a petri dish person roughly the size of a hair root, exhibited certain parahuman characteristics similar to complex fungi. Yet, despite the fact she could hitch a ride in his beard and unwittingly cause him a minor skin infection, Grant loved her anyway.

4. The Gasser veered into the GT40 in a strained collision that didn’t appear entirely accidental. Still, the horrific continuity of its aftermath burst forth as if it had been.

5. As the authorities chauffeured him to the unlearning place, Tarmac Dandelion sunk under the weight of his collapsing soul, having realized that Bewilderworld would always remain an enigma to him. One whose meaning no contradictionary, regardless its rigor or comprehensiveness, could ever reveal.

6. In a world all raven black, deep mauve, shadowy violet, and midnight blue, Neel had made the worst possible error—an orange mistake.

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You heard the man.

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And there you have it. A glimpse into the hidden power of free associative experimental language… I hope you got a chuckle out of it. Or better yet that it put at least one idea in your head you wouldn’t have otherwise had.

Language is fluid. A set of rules made to be broken. And by exploring language in this way, by placing words in unexpected but somehow still meaningful combinations, we can unlock our expressive potential and become better writers, better thinkers, and better friends.

Aww, I feel touched. Do you feel touched?

Please, don’t answer that.

But enough sentimentality. The evidence is undeniable. Clearly this is an important publication that will alter human consciousness forever. How else do you explain all those trippy little brain tingles, huh? They’re literally your consciousness being altered forever!

I’ll stop by later to pick up my Pulitzer once the prize board is done holding it for ransom. But in the meantime, I rest my case and close it too. Mental Flexicon may not be liable, but it’s here to stay and it approves of this message.

I’ll see you next time when you come crawling back for more of what you never asked for and didn’t know you needed. You’ll thank me in the end. Until then…

You’re welcome!

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